The roots of my inner struggles… my emotional fractures and ruffles… are grounded in the folds of my childhood. True to it’s nature, the seeds that sprouted my twisted roots were never visible to others. Instead, they were swiftly planted within my soul, one by one. One seed for every childish verbal jab from childish humans oblivious to their invisible damage.
I actually remember a lot of those toxic seeds… the moments in which they were pushed into my soul and immediately rooted themselves within, as if they were finally home. The shameful “crybaby” seed. The seed planted when that one girl said I spoke like Donnie from the Wild Thornberries. The “the ugly twin” seed, which was thrown at me as I passed by a boy during a corner store run before school. And those familiar, nearly invisible seeds that were planted each time people looked past me (maybe even through me) towards my best friend to let her know just how beautiful she was whenever we were in public together.
My mind was a toxic garden full of lies solidified by consistency and time.
But even mighty trees can be uprooted if you dig deep enough. And so I dug… deep with therapy, and medicine, and my Spirituality, and through speaking my truth out loud… within myself until those solid lies were revealed as nothing but mere apparitions… smoke and mirrors playing mind games all along.
New roots have begun to settle within my soul. Pure seeds have been spread… seeds of Faith, of purpose, of forgiveness (given and taken), of self-acceptance, and even self-love. Now, positivity blooms and the fragrance is refreshing. Yet and still, there are moments in which the fragrance of positivity wanes, the thorns grow sharp where they once were dull, and the weeds strive to choke every ounce of beauty found in the process of this new beginning, this season of growth. Keyword: Strive. Because despite the sharpness of the thorns or the rapid growth of weeds, with love and nurturing, knowledge and determination for growth, the seeds of purity and positivity planted in the soul and mind will outshine… outgrow and overwhelm… what was meant to destroy.