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I Bet You Think This Struggle’s About You.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” –Esther 4:14 (My FAVORITE scripture!!!)

Isn’t it funny (in a not-so-funny-way) how one divine moment can happen in the most unexpected way? I NEVER would have thought that watching E.R. while wallowing and procrastinating on life would lead to the moment that humility and Truth crashed into me, resetting my whole outlook. The craziest thing about the whole thing was that I had no idea that my Faith needed to be replenished… I was oblivious to the fact that God was no longer my focal point.

This day isn’t about you, Mr. Carter.

Although I heard those words, what really processed in my mind was “This day isn’t about you, Shawanna”. I have no idea what the rest of that E.R. episode was about… all I knew in that moment, and the hour or so afterwards, were those words. This day isn’t about you. I have no doubt that those words hit me like a train for a reason. I know that it was God telling me something…planting Truth and tough-love within me, allowing for humility and peace to bloom.

This day isn’t about you.

I get it now. Completely. All that time I’ve been complaining about my debt, feeling exhausted, being single, not growing fast enough in my business, feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed, living paycheck to paycheck, walking the dog, not having enough time to stop by Dunkin Donuts before work, and that annoying noise that my car has been making for the last week… Years and years of feeling sorry for myself and feeling as if the world is always one step ahead of where I’m going, and God met me where I was at to let me know that it’s not about me.

It’s about the purpose. The end results. The crop of the harvest. And you know what, that reward in the end may not even be for me… Yes, I am beyond tired every day because I care for infants, but I know that my care as a teacher provided each child with love, support, and comfort continuously. No, I am not rolling in money a month after investing in a business, but it’s a blessing to be able to provide sources of beauty and inspiration through my jewelry. And yes, I am single, but He knows that while I am still working on my confidence and self-love that I cannot be that rib that my future husband deserves.

This day is not about you. This day, this moment, this second is bigger than our issues. Bigger than our discomfort. Bigger than our grudges. Bigger than our fear and insecurity. It is not about me. It is not about you.

Sheesh xoxo

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